7 things to ask a therapist about on those free consultation calls

Most therapists offer “free initial consultations” as a service to potential new clients. Personally I think this is a great thing. But, having been on many of these calls before, I’ve learned that there's a temptation to use the consultation like a mini-session — to dive in, overshare, and skip the practical stuff entirely.

That's not what this call is for! The consultation is about one thing: figuring out whether you and this therapist might be a good fit. To help you make the most of it, here are seven things to bring us on that phone call.

1. What's your therapeutic approach, and how will that actually help me?

Sounds like an easy straight to the point question… but in reality, this question needs a follow-up, because therapists (and I say this lovingly as one of them) speak in acronyms. EFT, EMDR, CBT, IFS, DBT, ACT... we will throw every letter of the alphabet at you. 

So after they answer, follow up with: "What does that mean in practice, and how will it help me specifically?" A good therapist should be able to explain what they do in plain English.

2. What's your niche? Who do you typically work with?

You wouldn't go to a divorce attorney if you needed help with a real estate deal. Therapists are the same! We can't be experts at everything, and the good ones know that.

Some therapists work with couples. Some specialize in teens. Some focus on postpartum women, addiction, or trauma. When you ask this question, you're not looking for a therapist who says "I treat everyone." You want someone who can say something like: "I specialize in anxiety and trauma in adults" — and mean it.

Here's the other thing worth knowing: a good therapist isn't going to want a client they're not equipped to help. There's something really meaningful about being matched with someone whose training is exactly right for what you need. And the flip side — feeling like you're out of your depth with a client  is not a good feeling for either person in the room. A strong therapist has a solid referral network and will happily point you in the right direction if they're not the right fit.

3. Can we chat about logistics?

Don't skip the practical questions. Can they see you at a time that works for your schedule? Do they offer in-person sessions, telehealth, or both? Are they currently taking new clients, or is there a waitlist?

If you can only meet in the evenings and they have one evening opening per month, that's not going to work. If you want in-person and they're telehealth-only, that's not going to work either. I like to think of scheduling mismatches like dating someone who lives in Antarctica, they might be a perfectly lovely person, but this relationship can’t get you what you really need. 

4. Let's talk about money!

Do they take your insurance? Are they private pay? Do they offer a sliding scale or provide superbills for out-of-network reimbursement? What are their rates?

This conversation needs to happen upfront. There is nothing worse than building a real connection with a therapist, starting to make genuine progress — and then realizing you simply can't afford to continue. You're allowed to say what you can afford. A good therapist will either work with you or point you toward someone who can. I believe therapy is one of the greatest investments you can make in yourself. But if it causes you financial insecurity, that’s not going to be the right treatment. 

5. How often will we meet, and how long do sessions run?

Some therapists work in short bursts — six to eight sessions focused on a specific goal. Others work with clients for years. Neither is better than the other; it depends entirely on what you need.

Session length varies too. Some therapists do 45-minute sessions, while others need 55 minutes or longer. The point is to know what you're walking into before you commit.

And one more thing: if someone has been in therapy for a long time, that's not a red flag. It often means they're finding real value in the work and continuing to grow. Don't assume shorter is better.

6. How will I know if therapy is working?

This is one of my favorite questions, and not enough people ask it.

As an EMDR therapist, I love this modality partly because progress is measurable. We track what's called the validity of cognition — essentially, how true does a belief feel on a scale of 1 to 7? Something like "I am enough" or "I am lovable." When we get to a 7, we know that piece of work is done. We also track subjective units of distress — how much does this memory still live in your body? When someone can talk about something that used to feel paralyzing and say "yeah, it happened, but I'm not sick to my stomach about it anymore" — that's progress.

Other therapists use formal assessments, standardized questionnaires, or simple check-ins. The method matters less than the fact that your therapist is actively monitoring how you're doing and asking you directly: What do we still need to work on? How do we know when therapy is done?

Those are questions you should be asking yourself and asking your therapist.

7. What if I don't feel like we're the right fit after a few sessions? Am I allowed to leave?

Yes. Always yes.

No one is getting married here. Therapy is always on your terms. You are in control, and a therapist works for you. While a good therapist will expect you to show up and do the work, you are the one in charge of whether you continue.

Here's something that's been proven over and over in the research: the single biggest predictor of success in therapy isn't the modality, the number of sessions, or the therapist's credentials. It's the strength of the therapeutic alliance — in plain terms, whether you and your therapist actually connect.

When that connection is real, corrective experiences happen in the room. And those experiences change how you show up outside the room. That's the goal for every therapist and every client for every client.

A good therapist knows they're not for everyone. (We’ve done our own work and dealt with our own feelings around this) They have referrals ready. And if it's not working, they'll tell you honestly and help you find someone who can.

Ready to find out if we're a good fit?

Guess what? I also offer free 15-minute consultation calls and would love to answer any of these questions directly! Click here to get started.